This is something which had been on my Mind/Heart for a Long-Time, regarding precisely how to tackle it. There’s 2 Polarizing Stances holistically as per This-Issue: a. That there’s no such Thing as Marital-Rape…b. That Marital-Rape is anything which any Woman says that it is. Both are Equally-Negative/Toxic Interpretations. This-Conversation will (no Doubt at all) be something Extremely-Risky, because if one is apathetic/careless, they can easily be stigmatized/accused as being a “Sympathizer/Proponent” of Rape-Culture. Even for me personally: for me to dare address this Type/Kind of Issue is quite dangerous for me. It’s something which can yield a Significant-Amount of Backlash, which can backfire in a Terrible-Way absolutely not in my Favor. The Subject of “Marital-Rape” is, by default, very controversial for Obvious-Reasons. It’s something which I (via my Profession as a Chaplain [Counselor/Therapist]) am very familiarized with. Likewise, because of my Position as a Chaplain: this is something that has potential to alienate me astronomically. I’ve literally counseled Countless-Persons regarding This-Issue. And, there’s 0-Doubt concerning how much of a Necessity it is to educate Others (Men especially) the Reality of This-Issue. The 1st-Thing which must be recognized/accepted is that Marital-Rape is a Real-Thing & there’s 0 Islāmic-Justification to deny this. The 2nd-Thing is that “Marital-Rape” must be accurately&honestly defined. The 3rd-Thing is that “Marital-Rape” must be understood via the Context of ash-Sharī`ah/Islāmic-Law, as opposed to Secular-Law. The 4th-Thing is that “Marital-Rape” must be compared/contrasted to Sexual-Abuse & must be examined as per if/how it’s Islāmically-Punishable. I plan to purposely ruffle the Feathers of Lots of People, because Convos like this must be had & being soft about it just can’t/won’t get it done.
Defining “Marital-Rape”
Any&all Sexual-Contact/Acts imposed upon Spouses without Sexual-Consent.
Defining al-Ightisāb/Sexual-Abuse:
Any&all Sexual-Contact which is imposed upon Others without Sexual-Consent (Necrophilia, Bestiality, Child-Molestation, Rape, Sex-Trafficking/Prostitution, etc.).
(Lisān-ul-`Arab: Lexicon of the Arabic-Language, ibn-Manzhūr; Merriam-Webster)
Contextualizing “Marital-Rape”
Marital-Rape, mostly claimed by Women, is predicated upon the Pontification of Sexual-Agency/Autonomy. Meaning, the Concept of “Women’s-Liberation”/Feminism, fuels this. With that being said, anything which is classically understood via at-Tanzīl/Revelation, Historical-Norms via Human-Societies/Civilizations, etc. is falsely classified as Misogyny. In the case of “Marital-Rape”, this is abundantly obvious. Islāmically, in spite of the Fact that Marital-Rape is a Real-Thing, it most definitely isn’t predicated upon Feminists-Views. And, this is exclusively because of the Nature of an-Nikāh/Marriage itself. As per ash-Sharī`ah: an-Nikāh is a Religio-Sexual Commitment between Man&Woman, predicated upon at-Tanzīl. In fact, ironically: the Etymology of the Word “Nikāh” is literally al-Jinsiyyah (Sexuality/Sexual-Intercourse). By definition, Sexual-Intercourse is the Most-Rudiment/Foundational Dimension of any Marriage, so much so that if one is Sexually-Dissatisfied then that alone is Valid-Grounds for Marital-Annulment: this literally applies to both Men & Women. Allah details clearly, via The Qur’ān, that Sexual-Gratification is a Marital-Right/Expectation for both Man & Woman equally, and neither Woman nor Man is Islāmically justified to deny one another Sexual-Appeasement, as Muhammad (Peace be upon them) mentioned: “Approach them whenever/however you will, feed them what you feed yourselves, clothe them however you clothe yourselves, don’t disrespect them, don’t strike/beat them.”.
(Chpt.2, V.228; Chpt.4, V.19; Muslim; Abū-Dāwud; Lisān-ul-`Arab)
Proving Marital-Rape
What constitutes Marital-Rape according to ash-Sharī`ah can only be based on 3-Things: a. If one is forced to have Sex after being abused…b. If one is forced to have Sex while experiencing Illness…c. If one is forced to comply with participating in Islāmically-Prohibited Acts.
a. Abuse:
To abuse someone (physically, psycho-emotionally, etc.) & then to press them for Sex realistically counts as Marital-Rape, based on the Statement of Muhammad (Peace be upon them): “How dare any of you beat their Wives, as if they’re a Slave or a Beast, then expect them to be warm towards you sexually?!!!”.
(al-Bukhārī&Muslim)
b. Illness:
It’s Mahrūm/Islāmically-Prohibited to force one’s Spouse to engage in Sex while they’re Ill is in fact Marital-Rape. For the Record: a Woman experiencing their Menstrual-Cycle counts as al-Mardh (Illness/Sickness), as Allah states: “And don’t approach them, until after they purify/clear themselves (after their Menstrual-Cycle ceases).”.
(Noble-Qur’ān: Chpt.2, V.222; at-Tabarī; as-Suyūtī)
c. Sexual-Prohibition:
To force one’s Spouse to commit and/or comply with Things like: al-Liwāt/Sodomy (Anal-Sex), Orgies, Prostitution, etc. is a Valid-Case for Marital-Rape.
(al-Kabā’ir/The Major-Sins, adh-Dhahabī)
Marital-Rape Exaggerations
Now, how’s it even possible for anyone to actually prove that Marital-Rape, even as per the Aforementioned-Conditions, actually took place?!!! That’s the challenge, to be able to prove it. This is where it gets very complex/complicated. And, one Particular-Example of this is a Husband enjoying their Wife while they’re asleep. Ironically enough, there’s actually those whom would actually consider something like this to constitute as “Marital-Rape”…Islāmically something like this most definitely doesn’t fall under Marital-Rape inherently by the way. I’ve literally counseled Men whose Wives have literally accused them of “Marital-Rape”, resulting from them wanting Sex while the Woman is asleep. This is honestly quite ridiculous though. I mean, that’s literally like any Husband crying “Marital-Rape”, resultung from their Wife giving them Blowjobs while they’re asleep…like seriously, really?!!! Also, even if/when any Woman can prove Marital-Rape: exactly what Kind/Type of Hadd/Islāmic-Punishment does one actually expect that their Spouse receive?!!! Because, afterall, the Hadd for al-Ightisāb is Death-Penalty.
(Abū-Dawud)
Retribution for Marital-Rape
Realistically, external of any Secular-Law: there’s actually 0 Revelatory/Textual Hadd for Marital-Rape, in spite of it definitely being Islāmically-Wrong. And, in All-Truthfulness, there’s plenty of Other-Sins which don’t have any Mundane-Hudūd/Islāmic-Punishments attached to them (like purposely not fasting via the Month of Ramadhān, purposely not making al-Hajj/Pilgrimage, an-Namīmah/Backbiting, etc.). However, via the Ākhirah/Hereafter, Allah will choose whether or not Allah will forgive/pardon vs. shun/punish those whom commit this. Because, surely, no one will escape the Qist/Justice of Allah. Anything/everything which is done Allah knows it, records it, will press those whom do it, as They mention regarding al-Mujrimūn/the Criminals: “What Kind/Type of Book is this (their own Record of Deeds) which leaves nothin small nor large, expect that it’s been enumerated/recorded?!!!”.
(Noble-Qur’ān: Chpt.10, V.44, Chpt.18, V.49)
Clearly, there’s going to be People who’ll despise what I’ve presented via This-Article & of course: Controversy isn’t something which I’m foreign to, nor am I shy from. However, I must be Muslim-1st. And, via being Muslim-1st, I’ll most definitely piss People off & I’m OK with that. Besides, I’m Smart/Wise enough to know what I always tell People: Controversy is the Best-Publicity.
Gareth Bryant 1443, A.H./2022, A.H.