The Controversy & Damage of Talāq/Divorce-Culture amongst the Muslims

Allah states: “Wretched-Women are for Wretched-Men & Wretched-Men are for Wretched-Women. Likewise, Integral-Women are for Integral-Men & Integral-Men are for Integral-Women: they’re Good-Doers in spite of whatever Others state/claim about them. Forgiveness & Noble-Provision await them.”…
…Muhammad (Peace be upon them) stated: “Always speak Truth, even if it’s bitter (even if it rubs People the Wrong-Way).”.
(Noble-Qur’ān: Chpt.24, V.26; ibn-Hibbān; al-Bayhaqī)

This-Article is based on Other-Things I’ve written, regarding Relationship-Disasters:

The “Damsel-In-Distress” Mythos which Muslims adopt via Fake-Wokeness & Feminism

Deflection via Blame/Fault-Culture

I really hate Relationship Cry-Babies

The Evil&Destructive-Nature of “Cancel-Culture”

at-Talāq/Divorce, very sadly, is becoming a Popular-Subject/Topic amongst Muslims. And, it’s almost exclusively because so many Muslims have become Serial-Divorcees. I, as a Chaplain (Counselor/Therapist) literally address Marital-Issues amongst Muslims & Non-Muslims on a Daily. Pertaining to Muslims specifically, I can authoritatively say that there’s 3-Reasons how/why so/too many Muslim-Marriages fail:

1. The Biggest-Blunder All-Humans make, as per any of our Human-Relationships, is that we audaciously/arrogantly “expect” Others to make us “happy”. Happiness is a Personal-Responsibility. No one can make us “happy”. But, anyone can make us miserable

2. Most-Muslims refuse to recognize/accept the Reality, that there’s a Difference between an Islāmic-Marriage & Halāl-Fuckin.

3. Most-Muslims refuse to recognize/accept the Reality, that there’s a Difference between an Islāmic-Spouse & a Halāl Sex-Partner.

Because of the Lack of Recognition/Acceptance of what I’ve aforementioned: Certain-Muslims continue to pursue/choose Negative/Toxic-Relationships. Then, they still audaciously/arrogantly complain about the Negative-Results of their Negative-Choices…just as Albert Einstein said: “Insanity is continuously doing the Same-Thing expecting Different-Results.”.

This Following-Video chronicles is a Story which hit the Muslimsphere pretty shockingly. It’s about a Typical/Classic-Scenario of a Messy-Divorce. The Subject of the Scenario is known as Dunia Shuaib. They rose to Prominance, as a Muslim-Female regarded as a Person-Of-Knowledge within Certain-Circles of the Muslimsphere. The Person via the Video is known as Salman Ateequi: they didn’t even have the Basālah/Courage to disclose their Actual-Name. Ironically, they’ve a Website&YouTube-Page titled “BehindVeils/www.behindveils.com & yet they’ve veiled their own Nominal-Identity. Nevertheless, they accused Dunia Shuaib of committing al-Buhtān/al-Humazah (Slander/Defamation against them, as well as basically issuing a Contract on theit Life. They also mentioned Lawsuit-Litigations between themselves & Dunia Shuaib.

The Video itself details Subject-Details of how/why the Tumultuous-Marriage between Salman Ateequi & Dunia Shuaib evolved into what it did. There’s Several-Things I took issue with, regarding the Video itself.

My Commentary of the Video

1. The Relationship-Origins between Salman Ateequi & Dunia Shuaib

The Person via the Video details how they got involved with Dunia Shuaib. Via their own Admission, they stated their “Relationship” was a “Secret”, for 4-Years prior to their Marriage. The Question is how/why. Salman Ateequi pontificated/claimed that this was done to avoid al-Ghībah/Gossip (via an-Namīmah [Backbiting] and/or [Slander]). However, something very specific caught my Attention via the Video. Salman Ateequi mentioned that their “Niyyah/Motive” was to please Allah. If that were truly the Case, then how/why did their 4-Year “Relationship” last longer than their Marriage?!!!

2. The Marriage vs. the Sneaky-Link

The two of them even being together for 4-Years (not 4-Days, not 4-Weeks, not 4-Months, etc.) prior to their Marriage raises every Red-Flag humanly imaginable. It’s seemingly obvious that there’s so much more to this, than Salman Ateequi chose to speak about. I mean, who entertains an In-Person Relationship with someone for 4-Years prior to there Marriage?!!! Now, clearly, I’ve 0 Islāmic-Proof that they were committing az-Zinā/THOTery for 4-Years prior to their Marriage. Yet, at the Same-Time, it’s rather obvious that Salman Ateequi alludes to that being the Case exactly.

3. A Cursed-Relationship

Salman Ateequi is extremely delusional, as per them seemingly not realizing how/why Shit went wrong between themselves & Dunia Shuaib. Well…assuming that they told the Truth regarding the Origins of their Pre-Marital Relationship: what did they actually expect to occur?!!! So, if Persons are Sneaky-Linking…literally “Playing-House” (as “Salman admitted to nearly Word4Word): what Islāmic-Entitlement/Justification should anyone think/feel they’ve got, to dare “expect” Allah to “favor” what they’ve got going-on?!!! Salman Ateequi via This-Video: they literally deflected/gaslit their own Personal-Responsibility/Accountability, as per the 4-Years of az-Zinā which they themselves admitted to. Make that Goofy-Shit make Sense.

4. Biased-Judgment AKA Judgmentalism

I’ve 0-Respect for Salman Ateequi portraying themselves as a “Victim” of Dunia Shuaib. “Salman” is literally no different from/better than anyone whom complains about a Relationship-Gone-Bad. The Video itself screams of the “Toxicity/Narcissism” Kalām/Rhetoric anyone who’s suffering from Sympathy-Addiction uses, in order to give themselves a “Pass” for the Sucka-Shit they’ve done via their Relationships. It’s like I always tell People: You either judge everyone or no one…you either give everyone or no one a Pass.

5. Blaming/Faulting everyone except themselves

Most-People whom throw-around the Term “Narcissism/Narcissist” are addicted to Fake-Wokeness. And, 9/10, they’re just as apathetic as those whom they call “Narcissists”. Most-Persons whom pontificate/claim that Others are “Toxic”, “Narcissistic”, etc. are literally the proverbial “Pot calling the Kettle Black.”. It’s solely beecause Most-Persons ignore the Red-Flags which exists within themselves. So, of course, Most-People want to wave the “Damsel-In-Distress/Woe-Is-Me” Card.

6. They got exactly what/who they deserved

They did it to themselves…they were addicted to Pseudo-Piety/Fake-Righteousness. And, subsequently they got caught-up with someone whom was just as fraudulent/fake as they were. They themselves are a Piece-O-Shit & thereby subsequently attracted a Person who’s a Piece-O-Shit as well. The allowed themselves to get addicted to Illusion. They ignored all the Red-Flags, because, the same Red-Flags which exists within Dunia Shuaib: Salman Ateequi knew of within themselves. They refused to correct the Red-Flags within themselves & that’s precisely how/why Allah tested them with a Person just like them as per Character/Behavior. As per Salman Ateequi: they’re not a “Victim”. Rather, they’re a Casualty of their Stupidity.

Lessons to be learned from Ahādīth/Scenarios like presented via the Video

1. Regarding any Scenario involving Human-Conflicts, there’s always 3-Sides to any Hadīth/Story:

1. Side-A

Side-B

What really happened

Only Allah, then those directly involved in the Scenario, know what really happened. Most-Humans don’t have enough Integrity, to tell what really happened. Most-People (regardless of whether we’re Right or Wrong) will only tell their Side of the Story, as opposed to what really happened. There’s a Difference between being a Liar & being a Dishonest-Person. There’s a Difference being Right & being Correct.

2. We all must divorce ourselves (absolutely No-Pun-Intended) from allowing ourselves to succum to Pseudo-Piety/Fake-Righteousness Addiction:

People are very good at Deceit, but horrible at Authenticity. We have to stop pretending that we exists without Flaws, Faults, Sins, etc. As per Marital-Relationships (as is the Subject of This-Article anyway): Muslims do a lot of Sucka-Shit via pretending to be “Religious” for example. Personally, anyone (especially any Muslim) whom even dares to refer to themselves as “Religious”: Red-Flag. I truly despise the Usage of the Term, because, it negatively emboldens Arrogance…much like if/when People refer to themselves as “Humble”. The Next-Time anyone even says about thevermselves: “I’m humble.”…seriously observe them. People literally sound arrogant saying: I’m humble.”.

3. There’s a Severe/Desperate-Need for Counseling/Therapy

Marriage, Divorce, Marriage, Divorce, Marriage, Divorce. The Madkhali Cycle!

There’s so/too many of us whom’re Delusional-Mothafuckas out here, who really think/feel our Shit don’t stink. We really adopt this Twisted-Mindset/Mentality, that everyone’s got Problems, everyone’s the Villain, etc. except ourselves. The Need for Counseling/Therapy is a Farīdhah for Muslim-Communities. But, it’s got viewed with the Seriousness it actually deserves. And, because of this: there’s going to be Persons whom continuously suffer as per Lack of Wellness-Resources. (Ironically) if Wellness-Resources were taken more seriously via Muslim-Communities, then it’d equip Muslims to improve ourselves. If Counseling/Therapy were promoted more amongst Muslims: there’d be More Healed-People whom wouldn’t subject Others to be on the Receiving-Ends of our Fitn/Traumatic-Experiences, resulting from Unresolved-Issues/Problems within ourselves.

Gareth Bryant

I really hate Relationship Cry-Babies

Courtesy of Mel Robbins

This is precisely how/why People just need to keep Certain-Things to themselves. As we all know: Social-Media is a Haven for Pseudo-Validation: everyone wants to be recognized/accepted by someone via something. Yeah…it’s Human-Nature, I get it. But, at the Same-Time: at which Point do we as People cease pursuing Attention-Addiction?!!! It’s like via the Social-Media Age: we’ve all allowed ourselves to just spill-out so many Unnecessary-Things about our Personal-Selves, our Private-Lives, etc. for nothing else than to portray the Classic/Typical “Damsel-In-Distress/Woe-Is-Me” Mythos/Pseudo-Narrative. I definitely plan on granting Several-Examples of precisely what I mean, as well as my Responses to them.

Now, as per what I’ve aforementioned (regarding the “Relationship Cry-Baby”). Yeah…that’s a Real-Thing. I’ve literally seen it manifest itself, my Entire-Life, both professionally & personally. The Relationship Cry-Baby literally wants to blame/fault anyone, everyone, etc. as per Negativity/Toxicity via their Lives. But, they’re never willing to fess-up to the Role which they played in how/why they self-imposed Negativity/Toxicity upon themselves. As a Chaplain (Counselor/Therapist), I constantly/consistantly come across dealing with Relationship Cry-Babies. These’re Persons whom pontificate/claim that they want/need Relationship-Healing, yet ironically they only desire for the Healing to be 1-Sided. By that, I mean this: they audaciously/arrogantly only want People to correct Others & they themselves to be given “Passes” as per the Goofy-Shit they do.

This literally proves what I always tell People: Men pursue Women…Women choose Men. Women are Direct-Reflections of the Men they choose. Women whom pontificate/claim that the Fathers of their Children are Bums, then by default/definition that makes Those-Women Bums also.

Certain-People often always are quick to point at Others, pontificating the “Red-Flags” of Others, etc. (meaning, the Negative/Toxic-Characteristics of Other-People). Also, very often there’re Certain-Persons whom pontificate/claim: “I ignored the Red-Flags.” & there’s a Sabab/Reason for this. It’s because we, as Humans, individually…all of us…etc.: we’re literally the Red-Flags ourselves. The Way Allah chose to create al-Insān/Humanity…as Human-Beings: we’re each/all the Mirrors of one another. We all possess equally Positivity & Negativity. The Difference, however, is that we each have al-Mashī’ah/Freewill. We make Choices, Decisions, etc. thus determining whether we go Right or Left…Positive or Negative…Righteous or Wretched…etc.

Any&all Positivity/Negativity which we see, via Other-Humans, are merely Reflections of whatever Positivity/Negativity we possess internally. It’s simply that Judgmentalism is the Order of the Day via Apathy…as I always say: It’s easy to judge People, when our Sins aren’t Public-Knowledge. At This-Point, I’ll explain the Difference between Judgment vs. Judgmentalism…Judgment is comprised of what I’ve coined as the “4-C’s of Judgment”:

a. Critique

b. Criticism

c. Correction

d. Condemnation

If/once anyone imposes the 4-C’s of Judgment upon ourselves, as we would anyone else…this is acceptable. It’s because we then recognize/accept the Reality that we’re just as imperfect as those whom we judge. But, if/once we exclusively impose the 4-C’s of Judgment upon Others & not ourselves…this is a Serious-Problem. It’s because then we actually think/feel that we’re “Perfect”. But, al-Ihsān/Perfection only belongs to Allah…this is how/why one of the Names-Of-Allah is Al-Muhsin/The Perfect. In All-Reality, only Allah is entitled/justified to be Judgmental & that’s how/why one of Their Names is Al-Hakam/The Justifiably-Judgmental.

Sadly though: instead of holding ourselves responsible/accountable, as per the Goofy-Shit we do, we always want to “Shift the Goal-Post”. As per Human-Nature, People never want to be Wrong. And, because of That-Fact we always wish to dodge Responsibility/Accountability. And, ironically, that always makes our Lives worse.

Gareth Bryant 1444, A.H./2023, C.E.