Tag Archives: Judgment

The Day I Became A Coward:

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Author’s-Note:
“And, don’t allow your hatred against any People prevent you from being Just.”
(Noble-Qur’an: Chpt.5, V.8)

This is a true-story, of when I had a very gruesomely hostile argument with my Mother, over Religion. I was still fairly a New-Muslim at the time, and she was vehemently against me being a Muslim in the 1st-place. So, because of her blatant Islamophobia, I began to develop a very toxic hatred in my heart against her. I was very enthusiastic concerning my reversion to Islam: it was (and still is) such a liberating experience. However, unfortunately, I had also made the grave mistake of using my newly-found Monotheistic-Faith as a justification to rebel against my Mother, which I did fairly often. I honestly don’t even remember what we had argued about in detail, nor do I remember how this argument started and/or which one of us started it. I have no recollection of how old I was at the time, nor the time, day, month, season, year; I can’t recall what I had worn that day, or what I ate: none of these details come to my mind. But, I do remember getting angry with my Mother, and I remember what I stated to her, which I’m too ashamed to say publicly. I can still see the pain in her face, as the tears began to roll down her face, flowing from her eyes, like river-streams from a snow-capped Mountain in the Springtime.

I can still envision the look of regret that she had on my face for giving birth to me, because of my vile tantrum of disrespect against her. I can still hear her heart breaking into unrecognizable pieces, because of the harshness of my words spewing from my reckless tongue. This is is the day my cowardice was truly exposed. I had displayed such unforgivable rudeness towards the Woman who birthed me, that had Allah decided to strike me dead, as a punishment, it would’ve been what I deserved. I didn’t even know how to apologize: it was like Allah had decided that my prior insults were so despicable, that I wasn’t even worthy of speaking again. It felt like my tongue was paralyzed & being prevented via Allah’s Divine-Discretion, from even being able to say sorry for what I had said. Now, there I was, a Young-Punk, thinking that I’m a “Tough-Guy”, making my Mother cry, using the same voice that would cry-out to her when I wanted/needed her for love & attention, to cause her pain. I felt so low that day. After our argument, self-witnessing the anguish which I had inflicted upon her started to make me reflect as to whether or not I was even worthy of being a Muslim.

That’s how deeply this event had affected me. And, even to the point when there were times after this that I had wished that I had died, because of the shame I bore: the pain of dealing with the consequences of what I had done felt like I was being destroyed from within. Ironically, many years afterwards, my Mother sent me a text-message, telling me how proud of me she is of the Man that I’ve become. This text made feel feel that my entire existence, prior to that point was useless. I’m pretty sure that she doesn’t remember this argument her & I had. But, I’ve never forgotten it, nor will I allow myself to forget it. That episode in my life is one thing, amongst so many others, which I’ll continually use to keep me humble, as well as humbled. I had actually been thinking a lot about the Verse of the Qur’an that I mentioned earlier, and the more I had thought about it, the more things that I had done, People that I had offended out of hatred began to surface from my subconscious. And, then, this incident between my Mother & I resurfaced within me, and it took me to a place of reflection that I didn’t want to be taken, but it was a necessary place to be.

Particularly, and especially as Muslims: it doesn’t matter who opposes your Islam, it gives us no right to treat them unjustly. All Human beings have the right to be treated fairly. And, those who have the greatest rights over us are our Parents. And, the Parent who has the most rights over us are our Mothers.(an-Nawawi) Our jobs as Children are to care for our Parents, in the same ways which they’ve cared for us when we were young & helpless.(Noble-Qur’an: Chpt.17, V.24) And, for a long time, I had done the exact opposite of caring for my Mother, spending more time causing her grief as opposed to joy. When I began to comes to terms about the wrongs against my own Mother, I started to reflect upon how my Mother would always tell my siblings & I growing-up, that our Father always wanted us & told us to listen to our Mother. My Father was my hero growing-up. So, when he died when I was very young, I was only left with memories of him & from what others including my Mother had told me about him.

I started to think about how could I possibly face my Father, knowing what I had done against my own Mother. Then, an even greater fear encompassed me: how am I going to face Allah: the Creator/Lord of the Universe & answer to Him on the Day of Standing for the wrongs that I’ve done against my own Mother? It’s popularly said that “The Wise-Man is he who learns from the Errors of Others.”. So, be wise & learn from my Errors: don’t make your Mothers cry…don’t be Cowards.

Gareth Bryant/2015

Paradise-Music:

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If I’m ever given the honor of entering the Paradise, the 1st thing that I’d do is make Sujud for 1Million years…
…with my face on the floor, ever grateful to my Lord, for protecting me from my greatest and most vivid fears…

…Safety from the torment of the Fire, whose torrents blaze flesh and bone, unbearable the feeling…
…flames roasting, striking, torturing, ripping, slicing, and splitting: it will keep your head spinning…

…The coolness of the winds of the mountainous valleys, in the most pleasurable bliss, within my abode in Heaven…
…keeps me humbled that I didn’t die as disobedient to Allah, and succumbed to the punishment that goes on 24/7…

…As I dry my eyes, from all the tears I’ve cried, over the countless sins that my Lord had forgave and also overlooked…
…I remembered we all stood, waiting for the Judgement, not knowing where we’d be, thinking my goose was cooked…

…But, then, He, Ar-Rahman/The Source of Eternal-Mercy, decided to grant such a pitiful guy like me some much needed courtesy…
…He reminded me of what good I’d done solely for Him, and that was enough to be recused from an infinity of such misery…

…I had the nerve to say, “Oh, my Lord!!! Not me…I’m so not worthy!!!”…there’s no way I can possibly enter your Garden without still being dirty…
…He responded to me, “Does thou dare doubt Our Clemency?!!!”…”How doth thou believe in Us, if thou doubt Our ability to purify thee?!!!”…

…At which time I begin to sigh, at my idiotic reply, to my Lord, so Sublime…
…how dare I doubt such merciful a God; was I insane, or drunk with wine…

…At any rate, even this insult, irate, He rebukes, then, substitutes, by having Angels upon Angels drag me to the Pool of the Prophet…
…Muhammad glares at me & smiles, as I’m to be dipped in al-Hawdh, to bleach my soul, from wretched acts from the Mundane’s fret…

…As I drown in this well of favor and repentance, I’m reminded of so many things that I refused to make penance…
…However, the Lord of Lords, Allah, let it all go, just for me, because of His love for my worship, which is limitless…

…So, as I’ve risen, from Heaven’s hallowed-ground, I can hear the Green-Birds, carrying the souls of Martyrs, such sweet sounds…
…I can also hear the wailing and sorrow of those down-under: not Australia but Hell: those who lived Life without morals or bounds…

…Even though my Prayers were mediocre, my Fasting incomplete, my Pilgrimage iffy, my character questionable…
…that still didn’t prevent me from entering the best place in existence: my Lord is above all things willing and able.

Gareth Bryant/2014

Start looking past the Surface:

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Don’t assume that I’m a Rapper, just because I wear Jeans & a T-Shirt.
Don’t just look at the length of my beard and just think I’m out of work.

Please…do not assume that, because the country I am from sounds exotic, I can fly a magic-carpet.
Why do you judge people you do not know? Let me explain to you why I wear my native garment.

Even though I grew up in an urban environment, I’m not a drug-dealer.
You would never know that I could be your child’s mentor or teacher.

Even though I’ve got some tattoos, I don’t have to be a gang-member.
We all have skeletons in our closets; so, be kind to me, be a lil’ tender.

Me speaking a different language does not mean that I had hopped over a border.
We don’t all just work at fast-food joints & restaurants, ready to take your order.

Just because I don’t work on Wall Street doesn’t mean that I am on Welfare.
Just because my mother raised me does not mean that my father did not care.

Don’t presume that because I’ve got slanted-eyes that I can cook fried-rice.
Don’t just think that, because I grew up in the hood, I’m not able to be nice.

Think not that just because I’m from a different place that I’m into building-bombing.
Think not that, because my skin-color isn’t like yours, I’m into shooting and robbing.

We all must take the time to look beyond the physical, the superficial.
We need to realize that our variations are what make all of us special.

It is only the internal, and not the external, that defines the quality of any Human being.
When you look skin-deep, we are the same, created by Allah, the Lord of everything.

Gareth Bryant/2012