Tag Archives: Care

The Day I Became A Coward:

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Author’s-Note:
“And, don’t allow your hatred against any People prevent you from being Just.”
(Noble-Qur’an: Chpt.5, V.8)

This is a true-story, of when I had a very gruesomely hostile argument with my Mother, over Religion. I was still fairly a New-Muslim at the time, and she was vehemently against me being a Muslim in the 1st-place. So, because of her blatant Islamophobia, I began to develop a very toxic hatred in my heart against her. I was very enthusiastic concerning my reversion to Islam: it was (and still is) such a liberating experience. However, unfortunately, I had also made the grave mistake of using my newly-found Monotheistic-Faith as a justification to rebel against my Mother, which I did fairly often. I honestly don’t even remember what we had argued about in detail, nor do I remember how this argument started and/or which one of us started it. I have no recollection of how old I was at the time, nor the time, day, month, season, year; I can’t recall what I had worn that day, or what I ate: none of these details come to my mind. But, I do remember getting angry with my Mother, and I remember what I stated to her, which I’m too ashamed to say publicly. I can still see the pain in her face, as the tears began to roll down her face, flowing from her eyes, like river-streams from a snow-capped Mountain in the Springtime.

I can still envision the look of regret that she had on my face for giving birth to me, because of my vile tantrum of disrespect against her. I can still hear her heart breaking into unrecognizable pieces, because of the harshness of my words spewing from my reckless tongue. This is is the day my cowardice was truly exposed. I had displayed such unforgivable rudeness towards the Woman who birthed me, that had Allah decided to strike me dead, as a punishment, it would’ve been what I deserved. I didn’t even know how to apologize: it was like Allah had decided that my prior insults were so despicable, that I wasn’t even worthy of speaking again. It felt like my tongue was paralyzed & being prevented via Allah’s Divine-Discretion, from even being able to say sorry for what I had said. Now, there I was, a Young-Punk, thinking that I’m a “Tough-Guy”, making my Mother cry, using the same voice that would cry-out to her when I wanted/needed her for love & attention, to cause her pain. I felt so low that day. After our argument, self-witnessing the anguish which I had inflicted upon her started to make me reflect as to whether or not I was even worthy of being a Muslim.

That’s how deeply this event had affected me. And, even to the point when there were times after this that I had wished that I had died, because of the shame I bore: the pain of dealing with the consequences of what I had done felt like I was being destroyed from within. Ironically, many years afterwards, my Mother sent me a text-message, telling me how proud of me she is of the Man that I’ve become. This text made feel feel that my entire existence, prior to that point was useless. I’m pretty sure that she doesn’t remember this argument her & I had. But, I’ve never forgotten it, nor will I allow myself to forget it. That episode in my life is one thing, amongst so many others, which I’ll continually use to keep me humble, as well as humbled. I had actually been thinking a lot about the Verse of the Qur’an that I mentioned earlier, and the more I had thought about it, the more things that I had done, People that I had offended out of hatred began to surface from my subconscious. And, then, this incident between my Mother & I resurfaced within me, and it took me to a place of reflection that I didn’t want to be taken, but it was a necessary place to be.

Particularly, and especially as Muslims: it doesn’t matter who opposes your Islam, it gives us no right to treat them unjustly. All Human beings have the right to be treated fairly. And, those who have the greatest rights over us are our Parents. And, the Parent who has the most rights over us are our Mothers.(an-Nawawi) Our jobs as Children are to care for our Parents, in the same ways which they’ve cared for us when we were young & helpless.(Noble-Qur’an: Chpt.17, V.24) And, for a long time, I had done the exact opposite of caring for my Mother, spending more time causing her grief as opposed to joy. When I began to comes to terms about the wrongs against my own Mother, I started to reflect upon how my Mother would always tell my siblings & I growing-up, that our Father always wanted us & told us to listen to our Mother. My Father was my hero growing-up. So, when he died when I was very young, I was only left with memories of him & from what others including my Mother had told me about him.

I started to think about how could I possibly face my Father, knowing what I had done against my own Mother. Then, an even greater fear encompassed me: how am I going to face Allah: the Creator/Lord of the Universe & answer to Him on the Day of Standing for the wrongs that I’ve done against my own Mother? It’s popularly said that “The Wise-Man is he who learns from the Errors of Others.”. So, be wise & learn from my Errors: don’t make your Mothers cry…don’t be Cowards.

Gareth Bryant/2015

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The Stillness of Loneliness:

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Pitch black, quiet…nothing moves, it’s silent.
Darkness covers the Sky as I tread defiant.

I once was beloved, now I am so hated.
At one time victorious, now so defeated.

Loneliness fills all of my mind with agony.
Still as a stagnant River frozen by apathy.

Around many, yet distant from all.
None to feel my pain, hear my call.

Looking for closeness with anyone.
What a test for me, to be so alone.

Oftentimes, I feel dead, yearning for the free-flow of Life.
No worries about foes or dangers, not even fears of strife.

Alas, the irony is that there’s a morbid comfort in Obscurity.
It sometimes protects us from self-torture & offers security.
Gareth Bryant/2015

I want to give You Comfort:

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I wish I were there to brush your cheek & dry away the tears…
…to have your head laid against my chest, to calm all your fears.

It would be my joy, if I could expel from your life, all that makes you annoyed…
…this would make me happy, to relieve you from anything you’d want to avoid.

Your anxiety keeps me focused on how important you are to me…
…your sadness makes me even more interested in you as a priority.

My desire to to grant you bliss, from your lips to mine, with just one kiss…
…I want to protect you from insults, envious & poisonous as a snake’s hiss.

When those that hate you, cause you fret, remember that I love you, don’t forget…
…we will always have one another, as companions, friends, as sister & brother.

You’re like a bright jewel in the darkest night’s sky, way upon high…
…you cause me to yearn to grab you and hold you; I wish I could fly.

You are so strong, yet you’re so gentle…
…the way you approach life is so simple.

I’m yours & also you’re mine…
…let’s enjoy each other’s time.

We should run away together, from all the madness…
…be one another’s support, to cure our joint sadness.

I want to stamp out all your troubles, just as we stamp out a poisonous bug…
…the best moment to me is seeing you happy, when I give you a tender hug.

Gareth Bryant/2014

 

Gareth Bryant vs. Annam Choudhry:

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Author’s-Note:
Every month I’ll be conducting a Poetic-Challenge, challenging various poets, whom I personally know/interact with, just for the sake of sharpening/improving my own poetry, general-goodwill, respect for my fellow “Brethren of the Paper & Pen”, and to just see who from among us has the best “Poetry-Skillz”…Every month, I’ll be picking a brand-new Poetic-Challenger, via Facebook/Twitter, to compete with. This month, it’s Annam Choudhry. Next month, it could very well be anyone of you. So, just be prepared, with some fresh-rhymes.

Topic: Mothers

Gareth Bryant

Gareth Bryant

Mother are like no Others:

She carried you inside her womb…
…Inside them, we grew to bloom.

In Arabic, Womb means Protection…
…From disease, as well as infection.

We were evolved, developed inside her, for 9-months…
…Though we occupied her space, she didn’t care much.

That’s how much she really loved you…
…The mark of commitment that’s true.

When we came into the Mundane, they dried our tears…
…She rocked us to sleep, calmed our freights and fears.

She taught you how to spell, read and write…
…She taught you how to dress and be polite.

While our Fathers taught us about toughness, they taught, showed, us to love…
…When our peers encourage us to seek vengeance, they teach us to forgive.

Fed you from her plate, starved herself, so that you would have the lion’s share…
…But, when they need us, to help them, we cast them aside & we don’t even care.

Our mothers kept us in their bodies, for almost a whole year…
…The protected us, but, now, we fill their hearts with much fear.

We have the audacity to raise our voices, when they tell us something that we don’t like…
…And, as mothers do, they always are willing to do for us, like nothing happened, so nice.

When Fathers die, or run away, it’s the Mothers who stay the course, and hold things down, without any such complaint…
…This is why Ummah, meaning Society, is from the word Umm, which means Mother; their contributions to our lives great.

Gareth Bryant/2014

Annam Choudhry

Annam Choudhry

A Mother’s Love:

A void that cannot be filled with anything other than Allah

Because when her soul has departed from her body,

There will be no one on the face of this Earth

Who could love you like she did.

Accept you like she did.

Hold, mold, break, shake,

Make you like she did–a mother’s love.

Her body made you, flesh and bones, only by His Will

And no matter how many times you would break the fragile flesh of her heart

The shattered pieces would come together, a perpetual miracle

Because of the Mercy and love placed in it from Allah

A mother’s love.

When you entered the house late at night

Wiped your feet all over your mother’s rights,

Know that it was her love for you that wouldn’t let her go to sleep

And her love for you that gave her grief

And her love for you that kept her pleading to Allah

To protect you from harm’s way, to guide you,

To make firm, in Him, your belief.

A mother’s love.

She enjoyed your childhood for a fleeting moment

Working to feed you, check by check, time stolen

Diapers, Gerber, Similac;

Tears and wailing, she often thinks back.

Though times were harder, it was much sweeter

Because her baby couldn’t disrespect her

But you could as a teenager

With your oppressive behavior

She didn’t know her baby would become her slave master–

Sign of the times. But even when time’s a changin,

What remains the same is

A mother’s love.

Don’t abuse her, ‘cause one day you’ll lose her

Place yourself in the future

Nothing will bring back your mother,

your mother,

your mother.

So love her.

Nothing will bring back her love.

Annam Choudhry/2014

The Reasons why I can’t divorce Remorse:

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There’s this love-hate relationship that I have with Guilt…

…One that forces me to behave as I should do, to the hilt.

 

Breaking-up is the very hardest when you try to distance you from yourself, to break away from your very own conscience.

There’s always this sense of detachment, you feel that you are held back by reservation, to pursue and take advantage.

 

This consistent “make-up-to-break-up”, with regretting sin’s past, always compels me to remember the purpose of my mundane course.

I’m always enthralled, to concede to keeping you near, although your constant reminders of my wrong-doing make me feel worse.

 

When I commit misdeeds, you’re right there, all the time, telling me, “I told you so!!!”.

I am oftentimes found shooing you away, saying, “Leave me!!!”, as well as, “Just go!!!”.

 

My life has often lead me down the road of resentment, me even wishing to forget my own oppression.

The mere thoughts of knowing that I’ve wronged, yet did not care, drives me towards dark depression.

 

It’s like my conscience taunts me, as if exclusively instructed, by Allah, to keep me grounded, to avoid me from attaining Arrogance.

And, it reminds me that if I refuse to improve, I may very well die prideful, without any more opportunities for a 2nd-chance.

Gareth Bryant/2013

Support Muslims Giving Back’s Project #Zakah:

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Gareth Bryant, National-Spokesperson, Muslims Giving Back, explains the purpose & reasoning behind az-Zakah, the 3rd-Pillar of Islam & how helpful it is to the general betterment to Humanity as a whole:

Support Muslims Giving Back’s Projects: #Need2Feed & #Warmth!!!

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Gareth Bryant, National-Spokesperson, Muslims Giving Back, has a very important message, concerning the importance of helping others in need, drawing from his own personal-background of being in-need himself, at one point in his own life. This noble work, of enhancing the Humanity within others is something that those at Muslims Giving Back take very seriously & so should all of you.

Breast-Cancer Awareness: It’s not just a Women’s-Issue…It’s our Issue!!!

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With the permission of Allah, Muslims Giving Back will be participating, as volunteers, advocates, walkers, at this year’s annual Breast-Cancer Walk in Central Park in New York City.

These are the reasons why Gareth Bryant, National-Spokesperson, Muslims Giving Back, is participating:

1. For every Mother, who had Breast-Cancer, who never had a Son by her side.

2. For every Daughter, who had Breast-Cancer, who never had a Father by her side.

3. For every Sister, who had Breast-Cancer, who never had a Brother by her side.

4. For every Wife, who had Breast-Cancer, who never had a Husband by her side.

There’s one particular fact that people, whom don’t know, have to recognize/accept:

1. Breast-Cancer is like the Female version of Prostate-Cancer for Men: every Woman, within her respective lifetime, if she lives long enough, is going to have to come to terms with the fact that this will in fact impact her life, in some way…it’s one of the leading-causes of deaths among Women, particularly within the United States.

2. Statistically, although not nearly as common, Men have also been documented to have acquired Breast-Cancer; so, none of us, as Men, should ever dare think that this disease is Gyno-Centric, that it only affects Women.
Allah says, “Men are Responsible for (supporting) Women.”. (Noble Qur’an: Chpt.4, V.34)

These (4-types of) Women, that I’ve mentioned previously, are the most-important Women in any Man’s life, and these Women do so much, for us, yet we do very little/if nothing for them…we need to change that & it needs to start by supporting them via supporting Breast-Cancer awareness…Any/all Men, whom are able to make it to this walk, in New York City, must go…and, if you are going, think of your own, personal reasons why you’re participating in the Breast-Cancer Walk, in support of awareness concerning one of the most relevant health-crises effecting the most-important Women in our lives…no exceptions!!!

(Trust me when I tell you) Muhammad (Peace be upon him), the greatest, created-thing that Allah, the Creator/Lord of the Universe ever created, the greatest person whom was ever given Revelation, the greatest Prophet, he greatest Messenger, the greatest, Son, Father, Brother, Husband, that any Woman could ever want or ask for: if he were alive, today, among us, he would most-definitely attend a walk such as a Breast-Cancer Walk, because that was both his (Prophetic & personal) nature, that’s why Allah sent hm, with the Qur’an & Sunnah/Prophetic-Tradition, to show us how to work, strive, fight, help make the existence/lives of others better, via Community-Service, through service of one’s Fellow-Man.

For more info. about how to support the noble-efforts of Muslims Giving Back, in our efforts to spread Breast-Cancer Awareness, please, visit us online:

http://www.muslimsgivingback.org/

My Love-Letter to the one who refuses to love me back:

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I’m not in despair, and I no longer care.
You really didn’t want me at all anyway.

I now see who you really are, it’s clear.
You just wanted to pass the time of day.

You knew in your heart that you didn’t want me; but, you kept it going.
You already had it in your mind that I would be like the others, coying.

There was this mythos within me that you were looking to explore.
But, then you got attached, then, you realized that I wanted more.

Then, you used the excuse of your family to say that it wouldn’t work.
You only compared me to every other man, whom to you was a jerk.

You prejudged me even before you knew me.
There’s so much to me that you refuse to see.

To you, I was just some regular Nigger from the hood, with no culture.
I was just some Revert-Muslim, without any past & without any future.

You were too hasty to wait for me to get things established.
You let haters you know make your decisions, it’s so tragic.

But, it’s okay, you’ve decided to run away.
After you had nearly sent my heart astray.

I wanted to do things right, and you just wanted a good-time.
Then, apparently, you just get this epiphany, that is sublime.

You want to run away from me, all because you’re afraid of how I would be perceived.
You’ve allowed others, who only look at the surface, decide who you want to be with.

The whole thought of you actually letting these people control you cannot be conceived.
But, then again, this is how you’ve wanted it; you yourself hadn’t ventured for any depth.

But, where is your own stance, and resolve; you need to stop letting people control your life.
If you would actually call it quits, because of only perceptions, then I need you not as a wife.

Now, I will never claim that I did nothing wrong.
And, I wouldn’t dare sing the blame-game song.

I know that I’ve sinned and brought sorrow to my own soul.
Now, my heart has dark-spots, the hues of mountain coal.

But, it’s a 50/50 split whenever things in relationships go wrong.
You knew in your heart you did not want this to go on very long.

You said that you would wait; yet, you are not displaying any inkling of patience.
You’re ready to just pack-up & go when things don’t go your way, at an instance.

You said that you would rather not speak to me or see me instead.
Now, if this is at all true, then why are you still my Facebook friend?

If you’re really serious about no contact with me, why not just cut me off?
Just release me, as the Lungs release dust & particles through a cough?

Gareth Bryant/2012