Tag Archives: Belong

All-American/Non-American:

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Saad Najam
I remember in middle school, my nickname became Saadam Hussein.
I used to wrap a towel around my head so they’d all laugh.
Their laughter used to ease the insults and pain
But i realize I wasn’t their friend, I was just their joke.
It was an early morning on tuesday.
I was a young 8 year old boy in the 3rd grade.
We look out the window and see what makes us all gasp
The plane strikes the towers and just like that they collapse.
But those 19 aren’t the only blamed for this evil
Because my teacher points at me and says it was done by “his people.”
My people?
Cuz they grew up basketball
Cuz their favorite food is pizza
Cuz they speak english
Cuz they were raised in brooklyn
Oh yeah I forgot. They’re my people because i’m muslim.
The next years became a little brown boys mental torture
Everywhere I go they call me terrorist and treat me like a foreigner.
Do you speak english good?
Yes i speak english well.
If one more person asks me that question, i’m swear i’m going to scream and yell
My boss asked me if i’m scared to assimilate to american traditions
I laughed because it just showed me this country’s disgusting condition.
It didn’t matter that I grew up here
All that matters is my skin is brown, and I have a beard.
To be american that means you have to be white.
Look at how people change themselves just so they could “fit” right.
Asians change their names
Indians refuse to speak their native language
Anybody that follows a religion doesn’t have a brain
Anybody who doesn’t change is a savage.
I refuse to change to what you want me to become
I thought america was where anything can be done.
But I guess i was wrong.
Because this country just keeps telling me I don’t belong
Land of the free and home of the brave?
More like change your “barbaric” ways and become our mental slaves.
I thought America was supposed to be a safe haven of freedom.
Freedom of speech, freedom of choice, freedom of religion.
But it seems like you americans have  lost that vision.
But i still have my perceptions
Not of this America where black kids in hoodies are killed or arrested
Or have to undergo procedures like stop and frisk inspections
And the ones who put on suits are socially accepted
Where “illegal immigrants” are seen as pests and
Can’t go to the doctor for any medicine or injections
Where” niggas” in the hood will never be offered proper careers and professions
Where to fit in the crowd you have to be your gender, race, color or creed’s exception
Where if you speak out against corruption you are stripped of your freedom of expression
And are subject to prejudice and oppression
Where intuitive thinking is seen as some sort of cranial defection
Where emulating white culture is considered the best thing
Where different skin, clothes, hair, and appearance is considered some sort of imperfection
But I have a dream of an America which is pure from its inception
Where from any bigotry we have a complete disconnection
Where instead of dropping bombs on other countries, we drop love and a great impression
Where we don’t teach our kids hate and difference, but we teach them unification and affection
Where it doesn’t matter what shade your complexion
Where evil ideas are always subject to correction
Of An America where we all live in contentment
Without all these lies racism and deception.
A country where when I have this towel on my head, they ask me how was my day and if I’m carrying a bomb is not the question.
This America is not some really some sort of far fetched invention
If we hurry, I think we still might have time for redemption
We can lead this country into the right direction
Where our social constructs become the closest to perfection.
I hope what I said has grabbed your attention
And that you all are undergoing some sort of self reflection
And that we’ve unified through some sort of mental connection
And building this America I speak of has become your next intention
My name is Saad Najam, I am a muslim illegal immigrant raised in New York and I am the epitome of American.
Saad Najam/2014

I don’t Belong:

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Saad Najam

If earth is our home, why do I feel like I don’t belong?
Nothing ever feels right. EVERYTHING feels wrong
Why do I have this feeling of unrest?
That keeps my mind in such a chaotic mess
I walk, I talk, I eat, I play, I sleep
I work, I run, But it just cant keep
This feeling of loneliness away.
Why I ask. Why cant people in my life just stay?
I try to make friends hoping theyll make this feeling expiate
But an even bigger void is what they help create.
I don’t understand how they can call me a good friend
But after a while, they see me worthless and call it the end.
Maybe it’s my fault probably, Is the thought my mind gives
“But even though i’m a beast, don’t I have the right to live?”
Do I really belong?
Ive tried to find an answer but that was no use.
Ive played the game called life and I think i’m going to lose.
I run away from people and all of my problems
Sooner or later, i say, i’ll find a way to solve em.
And then reality hits and I look at what’s become.
And even the man in my head isnt enough to be the one.
Even Being alone isn’t where I fit.
If I’m not supposed to be here, why do i continue to exist?
I hate that I don’t belong.
I could sit here and write these sad little songs.
And sulk in my never ending misery
But that wont fix the figurative injury.
So I look for the solution
Go to educational institutions,
But They just look at me as if i’m a nuisance
maybe the answer is simply self-execution?
Maybe I should stop all this bullshit fussing
And make myself physically what I am emotionally, Nothing.
Maybe.
But Nah. Thats the easy way out. Or maybe I’m just scared about what’s to come after.
I stop thinking about the now, and start thinking about the hereafter.
And it finally hits me.
this earth isn’t my home.
This is a passing where I, for the time being roam.
So I roam to where the wind takes me
To a door that reads “Bismillah hirahman nirraheem”
All of a sudden, I feel a change.
Everything goes blank, for once I don’t feel so strange.
ALLAAAHU AKBAR ALLAAAAAAAHU AKBAR. Those words make my loneliness feeling start to disentegrate
Because Surely Allah is truly the most great
I kneel on the floor for the first time, with serenity and ease.
All I really need to do in this life is make my Lord pleased.
This whole time I was looking in the wrong places.
So I completely missed all of His benevolent graces.
He gave me feet to walk, a mouth to talk and eat.
He gave me hands to work and a bed to sleep.
Who needs people? They cant always be around
But He watches me ALL the time and keeps me safe and sound
So I pray to You to keep my heart clean
And to make it soft so that I can follow your deen.
Because This world has seemed to bring me to my knees with nothing to say
Except to call to my Lord, inshAllah to see Him day,
Because I have finally found the truth.
Thinking I could belong was a mistake
And I no longer am scared to accept my fate
I was wrong.
Because one day, to Him I’ll return, because to Him, I truly belong.
So see y’all later, i bid you all adieu
Inna lillahee wa inna elayhee raa jee uun.

Saad Najam/2014

I am the Pursuant-Panther!!!

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Jaguar pic

As I swiftly sprint, through my Jungle-Domain, all pause, as though they’re on my Hit-List.
They are in awe of my strength, my Colorful-Coat, my Sharp-Claws, my Paws, Mighty-Fists.

I’m the only one of my Kind, I am the King of the Amazon.
All I have to do is roar and everyone in the Jungle is gone.

But, it’s so lonely, at the Top; it’s like I have no one to share my Beautiful-World with.
It’s like I’m without Family or Friends…it feels like I am always alone: no Kin, & no Kith.

I love to be around Others, to play, not just to hunt and kill.
I just wanna know how it feels to be Part of something Real.

When I am present, Others are deathly afraid.
I’m just anxious to get along, to have it made.

I wish simply to live, and enjoy the Good-Life, with every Jungle-Neighbor.
I want them to know that me being a Jaguar doesn’t define my Behavior.

What I pursue is more than just a Fresh-Kill: I pursue Community.
I desire to be one with my entire Environment: I only seek Unity.

I search for Love & Understanding.
Honestly, is this too demanding?

Gareth Bryant/2013