The reason why Muslim-Women are against Polygyny & why Muslim-Men can’t really blame them:

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Author’s-Note:
There’s going to be a lot of controversy behind the release of this article. But, that’s ok because that’s what Gareth Bryant is all about.

Allah states: “Men are Responsible for Women.”.(Noble Qur’an: Chpt.4, V.34) And, this status of Qawwamah/Responsibility, that Allah has placed upon Men, to be Responsible for Women, consists of any/all elements of the Human-Experience. But, in the interest of time, I’ll just focus on a few of them, which could very well, ironically, encompass any other facets of Responsibility. Sadly, the problem is that we, as Muslim-Men, really don’t match-up to the standards of Qawwamah for Women that Allah requires of us, neither within the Qur’an nor the Prophetic-Tradition.

All Women (Muslim & Non-Muslim alike) are attracted to Quwwah/Power, which linguistically intersects with the word Qawwamah.(Lisan-ul-`Arab/Lexicon of the Arabic-Language) Yet, Power, within our Modern-World, is something that the typical Muslim-Male has either forfeited, never experienced, or is just pathetically powerless.

Here are some of the many avenues of Power, as is manifested in many significantly different ways:

Intelligence-
Intellectual prowess is something that Women value very highly. Women require to be stimulated on an intellectual plateau. They want to be with someone who can & will stimulate and challenge them, intellectually…no Woman wants a dumb Dude.

Religion-
A Man with strong religious-convictions are qualities that Women are very impressed with, because it shows that he has spiritual structure, boundaries, self-restraint, morals, character, etc.

Politics-
Women respect a Man who is able to control his surroundings, his environment, to be able to dictate policy, which can & will ensure the preservation, goodwill, safety, security of all.

Wealth-
Women want to be maintained…they want to live comfortably, without having to do it all themselves, without having to struggle financially. Women require Men to be able to stand on their own 2-feet, to have some type of financial independence, stability, security, etc.

Sexuality-
Women want a Man who knows what he’s doing in the bedroom. They want a Man to treat them respectfully, yet at the exact same time, take them places sexually that they’ve never been before.

Humor-
Every Woman wants a Man who can make them laugh, when they’re sad, to be able to bring a smile & joyful mood to their person.

Now, contrary to popular-opinion, the reason why the Muslim-Woman doesn’t generally approve or is privy to a Muslim-Man having more than 1-Wife/Multiple-Wives aren’t any of the cop-out reasons some try to give like:

1. Jealousy-
The Wives of Muhammad (Peace be upon him), the best of Women in Human-History (May Allah be pleased with them), often displayed acts & fits of jealousy against one another, over being married to Muhammad. However, his house was still in order, his wives never had to go out into the streets to get food, clothing or shelter, he made sure that these elements of Human sustainability, protection, safety, security, were well taken care of for his wives.(ar-Rahiq-ul-Makhtum/The Sealed-Nectar)

2. Emotional-Disproportion-
This plays on number one a lil’ bit, because the Wives of Muhammad also displayed, at times, disdain for one another, as a result of vying for the affection of Muhammad. In fact, there’s a Hadith/Narration concerning one wife knocking food onto the floor, because Muhammad had decided to eat food made by another one of his wives.(al-Bukhari)

3. Men wanting younger Women-
One of the biggest & most obvious ways to disprove this is the fact that most of the Wives of Muhammad were similar in age as he was. In fact, `Ai’shah was (via [Islamic-Scholarly] Ijma`/Unanimity) the youngest wife that he had ever married. Also, his 1st-Wife, Khadijah (May Allah be pleased with her) was (via Ijma`) the oldest Woman that he had ever married: they were married even before he had been given Prophecy, 15-years prior, to be exact & she was 15-years his senior. And, she was the only Woman that he was ever married to prior to her death, which was 13-years after Muhammad had become a Prophet.(ar-Rahiq-ul-Makhtum)

4. Lack of ability to spend equal time with all of one’s Wives-
Muhammad had 9-wives at one time; yet, he was able to be a Prophet, a Military-Leader, a Father, a Community-Leader, a Diplomat, a Statesman, and he was also able to give time to all of his wives, relative to their respective needs. Now, if he were able to wear these many hats & perform the duties attached to each of them to their fullest capacity, yet was still able to be the best of husbands to all of the wives he ever had, then, surely, the Muslim-Man, who is religiously-relegated to only having up to 4-wives at a time, can handle 2, or three additional wives to the 1 wife they are currently married to.

Rather, the true reason why so many Muslim-Women are growing more unwilling to agree to their respective husbands to have multiple-wives is simply because they genuinely believe that we’re not even deserving of this. And, why do I say this? The answer will make sense, trust me. Most of the Muslim-World is a direct product of Colonization, nation-building/nation-making, by the Oppressor & with the help of power-hungry, sinful, Muslims, etc. Now, within this process, there have been, unfortunately, so many, too many, atrocities that have plagued the Muslim-World, particularly Muslim-Women, like: being raped, forced to leave Islam at the hands of Non-Muslims, while the Men of the Muslim-World have largely stood by & have done nothing about it. All of the prior things I’ve mentioned, the facets of Power, which are seen in fruition in everyday Life, all around us-To be able to execute the manifestation of any/all of the above means that one possesses an immense amount of Power.

However, within the Muslim-World today, we tend to be very lacking in our manifestations of these particular facets of Power, especially referring to the following: Intelligence…Religion…Politics…Wealth:

1. Intellectual-Weakness-
Muslims have no say as to how Academic policies are conjured, concepted, carried out, etc. We are just influenced by the order of the day by other People, with their Anti-Islamic intellectual theories, like Atheism, Darwinism, etc. In fact, ironically, Atheists/Anti-Theists have more influence within the Academic-World than Muslims do & historically, many of the World’s 1st Universities were incepted by Muslims, several centuries ago.

2. Religious-Weakness-
There Muslims who are Billionaires, like Prince al-Walid ibn-Talal, of Saudi Arabia, nicknamed “The Arab Warren Buffet”, whom have invested their wealth into companies like NewsCorp, which owns FoxNews, the most Islamophobic media-outlet the Human-Race has ever known. This proves that Muslims don’t even control/can’t even control how our own religious image & narrative is portrayed within the media, because here we have one of the most affluent Muslims, in Human-History, financing the Oppressor, against the Oppressed, who happen to largely be his own fellow Muslims.

3. Political-Weakness-
There is no country on Earth, right now, where the Muslim-Woman is 100% secure from getting abused, raped, forced into Prostitution, Slavery, etc. Countless cases have even actually indicated that many of the World’s Oil-Rich Muslim/Arab nations have been responsible for some of the highest Human-Rights Violations against Muslim-Women, on all levels. I’ve already mentioned some of the too many historical instances in which invaders of the lands of the Muslims (both Muslims & Non-Muslims) have pillaged & raped, and forced into Prostitution as well as Slavery, untold thousands, if not millions, of Muslim-Women. And, the Men of the Muslim-World have done nearly nothing, basically nothing to prevent this or to avenge these types of atrocities that our Muslim-Women have been forced to endure, by our own hands, as well as by the hands of Non-Muslims.

4. Financial-Weakness-
With all of the World’s wealthy Billionaire/Millionaire Muslims, there’s absolutely no excuse as to why Poverty exists on planet Earth, particularly/especially within the Muslim-World. And, this is actually how we know that there are Muslims aren’t even properly paying 2.5% of their wealth in az-Zakah/Annual Obligatory (the 3rd among the 5-Pillars of Islam).(Minhaj-ul-Muslim/The Methodology of the Muslim) The reason why I’m bold enough to say this is because there’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that if every Wealthy-Muslim on this planet were to truly pay 2.5% worth of az-Zakah, on their personal-wealth (their net-wealth), there’s absolutely no way that there would/could be any hungry, homeless, jobless Humans on Earth. If the Wealthy-Muslims were to truly implement the payment of true Zakah, the World wouldn’t need the usury-based, exploitative International Monetary Fund, the World-Bank, etc. The World would be able to come to the Muslims for economic balance, fairness, justice, sustainability, etc.

Now, for those of you whom happen to be Men, Muslim-Men especially, reading this article: try looking at these very unfortunate realities, from a Woman’s point of view: knowing the sheer weakness of the Muslim-Man, who has largely no Power of his own to wield globally, where the Muslim-Man has basically become an international Joke-of-the-Party, then, why should Muslim-Women want to have Men like us having more than one Wife? Basically, we don’t have our shit together. Take a look at all of the atrocities that have befallen the Muslim-Woman, within the 19th-Century alone: the inhumane tragedies in the Middle-East (during World-War I), North Africa (during World-War II), The Balkans & the USSR/Russia (during the 90’s), India, Sri Lanka, Burma, Iraq, and the list can go on forever. The Muslim-Man is in absolutely no position to secure the sanctity, the integrity, of the Muslim-Woman. And, that’s the real reason why they are not comfortable with the Muslim-Man having multiple-wives, particularly/especially within the confines of the Western-World, where Feminism is King (an ironic hyperbole obviously), our Muslim-Women are being influenced to the extent that Men generally, particularly/especially that Muslim-Men are completely useless, which unfortunately, we’ve proven that very ugly & malicious stereotype right for far too long.

The issue of Muslim-Women being against Polygyny honestly has so much more to with the inadequacies of the Muslim-Man to serve his environment & protect his Women. Trust me: if the Muslim-Man had his shit together, no Muslim-Woman on planet Earth would have any justification as to why they wouldn’t be in favor of Polygyny at all. But, the weakness of the Muslim-Man gives them that justification, that the Enemies of Islam have helped to indoctrinate the Muslim-Man with, to disempower him, as in the Pharaonic mentality that Allah mentions within the Qur’an, “kill the Men & spare the Women”.

Gareth Bryant/2014

44 responses »

  1. One thing I would like to suggest to be on your list of inequities is Muslim male immaturity. When I hear brothers saying things like “I need a new wife because my wife has stretch marks after giving birth” (as if the scars of jihad could ever be a source of disgust), or when I hear of so many sisters whose husbands beat and abuse them and keep them from the masajid at the approval of many of the ulama (not the majority, but all too often) it really makes me wonder if the Western ideals of superficiality and male dominance has not stunted our men’s psychological development. Why would women be cool with her husband having another wife when he is not even mature enough to have the first? So much misogyny has snuck its way into our religion by way of colonization that it puts women in singular marriages in precarious a position let alone those in multiple marriages.

    • There are lot of immature and brutal men out there, sister Corbin… Muslim, Christian, Jew, and Atheist. Immaturity is a knife that cuts both ways. Immature Sisters will hook up with a good looking brother, her own age, race, or ethnicity knowing good and God Blessed well that dude is flawed. Why? SHE’S IMMATURE.

      The choice is the woman’s. I advise all my young (and old) sisters to be cool. Come to know that man you are trying to marry through frank, open conversations that should last at least six months. If you just jump off the edge of the cliff without looking to see how high up you are, and if there’s rocks or water below, then… well… THAT’S THE WAY THE MONSTER MUMBLES, darlin. You get what you got cause you forgot the cover weren’t the plot. You dig?

      • What rubbish, you only know someone if you live with them do business with them or travel with them . There is no way for a sister to do this with a potential husband and if the sister is a revert sister its even more hard to obtain the character of a man. without a wali that will find out from his friends what he is like she only will ever have his say. Furthermore most walis offered to sisters from masjids dont get that involved they dont take responsibility for the sister in ensuring the character of the brothers. These days people lie and have their friends to lie for them and once a sister marrys a brother there is little to no help from the community if he starts abusing her beating her. This may happen in all different cultures and religions. But we are not everyone else we are muslims and we are like one body and suppose to help and protect each other. However there is not the muslim community that is needed, brothers, imams who will stick up for the sister get involved to protect her to protect their sister in Islam. No people dont want to know they want bury there heads in the sands and says its not their responsibility. The difference between us and the Kufar is we are to forbid evil and enjoin good!!! The brother above right and so is the sister above. Men need to step up. Allah provides for men because of the weak, the women children and old. A women is like a glass vase she is fragile and the men are suppose to be the protectors.
        Salam Alaykum. And fear Allah do not call a sister Darlin she is not your darlin!!!

  2. So much stuff and nonsense.

    Muslim women are just straight up jealous for the most part. The bedroom maintenance is the premier responsibility of the Muslim man to his zauj. And a lot of Muslim men (especially modern Westerners) ain’t so bad in that regards.

    As for monetary, intellectual, and political competence, I’ve seen the best of us have their families broken up because babes simply won’t give the brother his right even after all of her rights are taken care of magnanimously. I’m talking doctors, engineers, and successful business TYCOONS.

    As for us poor brothers who are racially oppressed… trying to squeeze blood from a beet is folly. Black men have been systematically cut out of the legitimate economy. That is a matter of fact. It is a systemic problem, and the I-got-mine-so-you-should-be-able-to-get-yours solution to the problem is just a selfish, elitist dodge.

    In poor families, polygynous or monogamous have to circle their wagons and do for self or simply be poor. And it takes a special mind to be an entrepreneur. Everyone can’t be one. Unfortunately, the more fortunate brothers are to chicken hearted, and selfish, and their women are too self loathing, and selfish (most times) to feel sorry for the sisters who are deserving yet were not first round draft picks.

    Most of the brothers with the guts to take on that responsibility are street cats who struggle. Most of the college boys “tip” (have more than one woman secretly) rather than daring to even bring up the possibility of hooking up with Sweet Sister X, who’s younger, prettier, and more accomplished than his “main squeeze” whom he loves passionately, and does not want to lose.

    Of course all this should have been brought up before he hooked up with number one. But after tipping around or being totally celibate in college and grad school, dude is sexually desperate. Brother-man will go for anything that sister will lay down to get that monkey off his back.

    The shame of Muslim men is not incompetence. IT’S COWARDICE (in my opinion). “FOR MEN WHO BELIEVE THERE ARE WOMEN WHO BELIEVE. FOR MEN WHO STRIVE THERE ARE WOMEN WHO STRIVE…” If you really believe, brother, and settle for a pretty face rather than a brilliant faith, and hookup with one who simply submits but has very weak or no real do-or-die faith, then… HEY… THAT’S THE WAY THE MONSTER MUMBLES. You had best come to know your rights as well as your responsibilities, and insist upon them. Fulfill your duties but do not deny your nature. YOU DIG?

    • Of course their are immature women (as your responded to my comment), but the point is about multiple marriages. It may be hard for you to see since you of course are not an immature brother, but it is a huge problem. The woman is at huge risk if her immature partner decides to marry another woman. You can’t say this for men marrying an immature woman. What I am trying to say is that these immature brothers are not giving their woman the respect and rights that are due in Islam because they are all too eager to get another. And yes some wives don’t give their husbands their respect and rights. BUT it is especially a problem for a woman not getting her rights since (and unfortunately) in many cases the very means of her life depends on her husband (she often has no choice to work after giving him a lot of children and even if she has childcare she is systematically refused employment here in the West because of her hijab). Add on top of that many sisters are abused by their husband because of some false belief that Islam allows them to torture their wives (LIVE WITH THEM IN KINDNESS). Tell me, how are you gonna compare a husband not getting enough sex from his wife or only being chosen for superficial reasons to a wife not getting food, clothing, shelter or being beaten or psychologically abused or even replaced and forgotten by her immature husband??? We have a serious problem in this ummah in regards to how men treat their wives and daughters even. If we choose to ignore it, Allah will not change our situation.

      • As a Muslim married male, I fully appreciate your statement “these immature brothers are not giving their woman the respect and rights that are due in Islam because they are all too eager to get another”. SubhanAllah, striving towards fulfilling the rights of women is the pre-requisite to marrying more than one or even maintaining just one wife. How husband wife treat each other and especially for the husband since by nature they have the upper hand over their wife or wives, should remember that we will be questioned on how we treated those who were under responsibility… this will be such an important issue on the Day of Judgement. May Allah give us all the tawfeeq to fulfill the rights of one another whether we have 1 spouse or more than one. Ameen.

      • Dear Mohammed Hossain. You are married and most likely monogamous. But have you stopped to think that you’re perhaps just as immature as the brothers who you believe are singularly at fault for polygynous relationships not working? How many of these misused, neglected, trifled with sisters would have been better off hooking up with a responsible, caring, loving brother like you? Why haven’t you and those liked you stepped up to the plate. It’s folks like you who are part of the problem, I’m sorry to say my dear brother. Or is it that even though you’re doing your very best to give your zauj her rights, she’d have a hissy fit if you flexed your right to love and provide for another deserving sister?

  3. I’m with Corbin, ^^^ I like the article and I think the brother does understand women pretty well on the whole, especially the part about what a woman is looking for. But, its not just the position of muslim men on a grand scale – within the world, it has more to do with the day to day interactions between husband and wife. I mean, how a sister has been treated or is being treated and what she sees her sisters (mother, daughter, friends etc) going through at the hands of muslim men. Unfortunately there seems to be more abuse, physical and mental amongst Muslims than any other group. And more misogyny and just bad behaviour. This of course is always picked up by the media and non-muslims and is constantly thrown up in our faces. It’s even harder then for the sister who has been through hell and back at the hands of a man she probably loves to feel proud of her identity as a muslim woman. People are pitying her or scorning her as a submissive little woman so she will read up on her rights and publicly argue about the position of women in Islam,and in private, she often is being abused, or knows many sisters who have been badly mistreated. Plus financially things are difficult all round in these times for most people, no woman wants the resources for her family to be divided up with yet another woman and more children. I think that there is a huge problem in the world at the moment with a lot of men just refusing to mature psychologically and grow up. So women are having to carry the whole show on their backs and plus we get so much criticism if how we look is not deemed acceptable too. Then if you identify yourself as a feminist that’s not acceptable either. Things are bloody hard out there for an awful lot of us sisters right now. I could go on and on…Great article though, masha Allah.

    • Sister Tanya, I think the brother understands very little about women. What sisters, especially young women are looking for is so immature that the divorce rates are off the chain. This ain’t shangra la. This is America. They want a man to be like their girl friend, and this is not going to happen. They want this ultra buffed, beautiful man to be monogamous. That’s not going to happen. They want the same man who’s been in the joint for some minor drug sale, to get a job at Micky D’s and support her and her kids by himself in a major city where rents are off the chain in decent neighborhood, and where temptations are rampant for him to make some “easy money” in the low rent district. This is not going to happen. He thinks that women can’t adjust to hard times with more than one woman. This just is not so. Women can adjust. Islam is the religion of nature. It is in women’s nature to share sexual duty and loyalty with another woman or more towards one man. But… you live in a society that will marry men to men but frown on a poor man having more than one woman. The sister has to be mature enough to understand. She picked a poor dude. But still. Dude is a dude. His nature will rule whether she likes it or not if he has any kind of pop. The best thing is for her to choose somebody competent not just somebody available. There are reasons why a 35 year old brother is still single. Dig it.

      • Assalamualaikum, Abu Talib, sounds like you’ve been through it, but as Muslims we need to study our deen before we have such strong personal opinions. You said western brothers can meet sexual obligations, NOT True. Also, you said women are immature, we are. You said women should help? Why should help you to get something you can’t afford? This is the problem with black brothers and sisters. We’re so used to working, cooking, giving you rights, that is what you expect, so many non Muslim black women talk about independence because it’s what they had to do! And you want to bring that to Islam? NO! If you ain’t paying you ain’t saying, you dig? Islam commands a man who can’t pay to FAST. So many of us negate our rights feeling pity for a brother that has been locked up, or for a brother that can’t keep us the way we are used to being kept, or because we don’t know our value because of men not respecting us. Men forcing us to be on welfare while he stretches his wings. Truth is truth. If you’re wrong you’re wrong, and that’s ok brother, we can’t always be right. Advice from ulema is to avoid sickly people, or people not of sound mind, or men who can’t keep us the way we are used to being kept. I think a brother finally spoke the truth about what women need and you didn’t try to find where you fit in, or how you can be better, you’re just intent on being abrasive. Further, he wasn’t talking about marriage in general, he was talking about men who are immature, haven’t learned self control, haven’t practiced discipline, and now they want to manage multiple households. It’s nothing personal, clearly the ummah has a sickness, and always being on defense isn’t the solution.

      • I have studied and still am. I’ve been in this religion since January 1970 sister Miram Middaugh. And like I told sister Corbin, as a religious councilor I usually only see women who are having a hard time of it. This is not the norm. This is the exception. Actually I’ve been in nikka with two highly educated, beautiful Mumin sister for going on 30 years. It works for us because we believe in two things. We believe in LOVE, and we believe in the system… FAMILY. It’s about family. When times are hard, times are hard. We scuffle and make do. Just like when the crops need to be harvested everyone works, not just the men. I wouldn’t have a woman with a pay for play (or as you said say) attitude. I advise my young brothers to find a woman woman who believes in masculinity. Do your job. Be caring, loving, and affectionate. Practice the deyn to the hilt. But be a man. It is his right just like being maintained is hers. And if you read the fiqh, you will find that the minimum is very minimum. So I say a woman has a right to not want want sho doesn’t want. And a man has a right to move on to the next one. If he’s an oppressor then he will oppress one as much as two. But for good men there are good women. For Believing men there believing women… and so on. And believing good men SHOULD marry more than one believing good women so she won’t be forced into a difficult marriage out of desperation. This is my opinion.

  4. I agree with you brother and sister Corbin 100%. Men are the root cause aside from the obvious jealousy in women why they disapprove of polygyny. I’ve heard so many absurd reasons and stories that I could write a book about it. To name a few some men will marry any sister solely because he has the option of another when he gets bored or doesn’t find her attractive anymore…not even caring what this might do to the sister who was married “just cause”. Authubillahi min thalik !!! Such men should be whipped senseless. As if women are a commodity or merchandise. Another example are the useless men who never amount to anything who marry and barely make ends meet with the first relationship and find another relationship “just cause” and continue this vicious cycle only because these women are selling themselves short and end up being the bread winners rather than the husband. Mind you some of these men still live at home with their parents. I don’t know about you guys but some of these men have turned this beautifully practice into one big joke and ruined it for those men who can practice it properly. God help us and these Muslim men because they can all apparently deal “justly” in their own sick twisted way and not the Quranic way.

    • Xaliyey, some men are as you say, but no where near most. Plus I take offense at calling a man “useless” because he only makes ends meet. Consider the nature of the economy and the fact that a gigantic disproportionate percentage of Black men(Black me especially) are systematically cut out of the legitimate economy (Read The New Jim Crow by Sister Michelle Alexander). No. You are talking about the exception and not the rule. Brothers for the most part got bank. Even brothers without bank got enough to support two women and five kids, especially if they take on some of the financial responsibilities. And in hard times that’s the way it be. And these for many are hard times. As for the dead heads, they did. Brothers might not have bank, but they got plenty game. Like I said, sister have to be mature enough to pick brothers not how they talk and how they look, but by what they are saying and their overall outlook. If they don’t… well… the dominos are going to fall how they set them up.

      • A lot can be taken offense by your comments. Don’t take what was said out of context. Yes men who marry knowing they can’t maintain are useless, why do you find that offensive? Are you saying because you’re black that you should be able to marry more than one wife though you can’t can’t afford it? You say brothers got bank, what do you mean got bank? Does that bank include illegal welfare? Because too many of the sisters I know are doing just that. ……in hard times that’s the way it be….then you don’t need more than one wife, and likely don’t need one. There is more to marriage than money, but lack of can break a marriage for legitimate reason. I contribute, only because I have my own bills before marriage, but I’m not going to contribute for him to have something he can’t maintain. Some brothers talk about second wife like a commodity. She is a live person with needs that men are advised to avoid if they want what’s better in fear that they can’t maintain. Why people who can’t maintain one with kids always talking about more.

      • No offense taken. I simply don’t agree with trying abrogate the system of polygyny because you and other sisters have had a hard time of it. Other sister have not… most others… and most others are not Black. And their a heck of a lot of Black men who are Muslim that have good jobs and athletic physiques. Their women still hate the idea of polygyny.

      • As Salaamu Alaiykum brothers and sisters,
        I have been in polygany in the past. I married a brother who from the beginning told me he did not want another wife even though it was his rights. After about 4 months he changed his mind “Subhannallah.” He married my best friend that was divorced from his best friend after they had a secret relationship via phone for 1 year. She lived long distance so most of their time was on the phone. I found out about them after being in town with her for a week. They had been married but I did not know. When I found out I congratulated them both but she instantly changed towards me and she was upset that I knew. I told her there is no secret in marriage. I tried to be cordial bcz this had been my best friend. She became very distant with me. I later found out he was telling her things to make her feel some type of way towards me. I was also one of those sisters that had to go on welfare bcz if not I wouldn’t eat. This was not how I was used to living. I had to go and lie to them so that my son and I could eat. I also started contributing more to bills because he had to send her money. He would come home after being out working all day and ask me to leave the room because he was on the phone with her. Subhannallah enough was enough. I got a khullah from this brother and I am happily remarried. It takes a strong brother who knows his religion to be able to handle polygany. When a man can provide for his wife financially, religiously and physically she will have respect for him. This is why he has levels above her because he provides for her. If I have to do it then do additional monetarily then you lose respect for the brother. Subhannallah Allahu Musta Ein

  5. You da homie ak, but this was far from being balanced in nature. Though I can refute little of what you say about the state of the “global muslim man”, you put the entire blame on us. Nothing about how EVERYONE needs to increase their study of the deen. Nothing about how the protection of women could be Increased by the hijab of their character, as ultimately Allah is the protector? Covering hair while wearing tight jeans with ass out is our fault? How many muslim sisters do you even know personally that have non-muslim “baby daddies”? Nothing about how on a microcosmic level, you will still have some women against it not because of our deficiencies, but due to the fact it is anti western or anti-democratic? Like “omg what their fb friends might think? “There is this feminist movement mentality that has been floating around that puts all the blame on the male. Something along the lines of “If a man loves you he will accept you and all your flaws. Yet if he doesn’t change to your exact liking, he is not worthy of your queendom.” Although you touched on some good points about what the man should do and what his deficiencies are, this definitely felt like a man bashing session, as it appears from your writing that the woman is doing nothing wrong. Can cosign some of this, but def not the whole join’. Funny enough, I get more offers from non muslim women of multiple ethnicities who would embrace polygamy before a muslim woman, though the latter proclaims to follow the Qur’an. Every woman on earth is subject to the oppression you speak of. Women here in the US couldnt even vote until the early part of the 20th century. But I guess non muslim women compare us to the rest of menfolk differently then our own do. Smh. BOTH genders have work to do in this arena, not just the men. Thought provoking though ak. You still my geez. AsA

    • Did not Muhammad (SAWS) not ask Ali to spare Fatima’s feeling by not marrying another woman? Some women just aren’t built for multiple marriage. Some are. If a brother wants to have more than one wife, not every sister is going to be ok with that. No one should be force to be a part of a multiple marriage if they don’t want to be.

    • I dig where you coming from brother Khalil. Sister best get hep. Brother too. I’m not saying brothers are flawless. I’m saying that Sisters are the ones who have to make the final decision. If I was a sister I’d rather hookup with a distinguished older man who’s first wife is ready for a younger woman to come in take the load, than an untried young man who knows little about himself and nothing about premenstral mood swings, and orgasmic foreplay. Seriously.

  6. I’ve yet to see an article from this perspective framing the arguments on a macro scale because of the inadequacy of the Muslim man in the modern world. Because it is a new idea there is not much to say but I do criticize one statement you said.

    “Trust me: if the Muslim-Man had his shit together, no Muslim-Woman on planet Earth would have any justification as to why they wouldn’t be in favor of Polygyny at all.”

    Actually the one jurisdiction the Muslim female has given by the Almighty is the right to say no and decide for herself. Even in shariah a Muslim woman can sign for her future partner not to take on another wife while they are together, if he does, it makes their marriage null and void. See even if he had is ish together we still have that right Alhamdooilah. And even during the time of the Prophet saws Muslim men still didn’t have their ish together he was constantly dealing with issues of abuse and oppression towards women from the men in the community. Personally I don’t care how great the world is or is not, the man that marries me will know he is not allowed to share his intimate parts, kisses, kind words, love, affection, attention on anyone other then me. I am unapologetically jealous. And it is my right. Why can’t Muslim men just accept that it for many of us its not normal or psychologically something we can deal with. Imagine sharing your wife with other men (does that piss you off turn your stomach?) well guess what some of us feel the same way. Muslim women have the God given right to deny entry into a relationship with a polygnous partner

    • We can accept the fact that for many women they simply can’t see the difference between the male and the female and want to be provided for and then have an equal status. But like you said sister Nafiz j, just as you have your right to say no, a man has his right to say no. And no contract can trump the law of God. So I encourage my brothers never to marry women like you. You are literally attacking the very system that Allah, the creator of nature put in place, my sister. May Allah help you see the situation with clearer vision.

  7. Totally agree with this statement by Brother Gareth Bryant, however considering the alternative, I believe that the sisters would do well in choosing a brother with charecter, disapline, good morals, spiritual consciousness, vision and plans, the sisters can build on that and use their talents to be the help meets for the brother, building together and filling in where their is a deficit. Working together on common goals for the benefit of the entire family tribe and rising above emotion into the thinking of God. If we sisters want for each other what we want for ourselves, working together to assist our husband will provide us all with that, along with letting go of selfishness, greed, envy and jealously. We can change the channel in our brain the same way we change the television channel, and by the way getting rid of the programming of the t.v. is a good way to start to change our thinking and begin to solve our community problems.

  8. My view is that this is a more generalised article with an element of truth to it though I can’t deny that. 
    There are various ahadith that attest that the prophet (pbuh) did not value wealth, he wore only one garment while the other was being washed, that he slept on a mat without luxury, that he gave charity to the extent that there was no food in his household, he valued the vulnerable/weak in society just to mention a few…..who are we to to say people are dumb and powerless? Well I’m just illustrating and not saying word for word.
     I‎ don’t think we should be painted in one brush for the failures of few extremely rich muslims. I am still to meet a muslim brother who is not militant, who is not politically conscious, who is not ready to go to war against the injustices perpetrated on muslims all over the world, who does not aspire to be wealthy or at least self sufficient….the list can go on against what the brother is raising. 
    I mean between 2003 and 2005 I was in madressa. Most of the brothers I attended with are making something out of their lives, by that I mean they are either having a steady job or running their business. Most of them are already married but the sad part is some of them are married to non-muslim women who didn’t accept Islam-where are muslim sisters just to be the first wife?‎There are very good, responsible and intelligent muslim brothers out there who are also doing tremendous work in dawah, community development, business just to mention a few. 
    Well there is one thing I know ‘little knowledge is dangerous’ and this is not alien to Islamic knowledge. If we do justice and compare the earlier muslims and muslims of today perhaps we can realize that if we seek to blend/mordenise Islam we will encounter problems of all sorts-Islam was completed 1400 years ago and for eternity. 
    A lot of muslim organisations I know in South Africa receive funds from overseas rich muslims to establish schools and a lot of community and personal development programmes and therefore this stands to say although there maybe muslims who don’t pay zakat, there is also a large number of muslims who do pay zakat otherwise these organisations wouldn’t be thriving. 
    Furthermore in Islam we are encouraged to marry for different reasons viz: beauty, wealth/status and religion but most importantly we are advised to marry for the sake of deen. It is therefore an individual choice, we cannot lay a blanket statement and say muslims women refuse polygamy because the whole package is non existent. Also I don’t think Islam would have been fair to say that we should only marry for the whole package, I don’t remember in human history where all people were, intelligent, politically active, wealthy etc all at the same time. Even in Jannah there’s different categories for different efforts.‎
    ‎ Actually in all world ideologies we find that people in power get influenced leading to their weakness and selling out the general masses, but people on the ground always protest against the weaknesses of their leaders. Does this has to make them fall under the category of their leaders who are weak and influenced by super power countries? I don’t think so.‎ What we need to do is go back to the Quraan an sunnah, pray for our leaders who are victims to our enemies and experience the mercy and blessings of Allah.‎
     Islamic history speaks for itself, how the Islamic empire was established and flourished for many centuries. It was through the character of muslims both men and women that people were attracted to Islam. Let’s look deep inside ourselves and make a comparison to the earlier muslims before we start pointing fingers at one another. Yes there is a serious problem facing global muslims but the question is what are you doing individually as a muslim to help remedy the situation?

  9. Sister Corbin I find few sisters who are starving, homeless, and abused. There are some. But not many. For the most part sisters are fat, housed, and driving their own car. There are unfortunate sister out there, but that is one of the reasons why polygyny was instituted. There are many affluent brothers who could easily take on another, decent, less fortunate sister, and improve her lot hundreds of folds on every level. Why isn’t that happening? The first wife and the brother himself are culturally hamstrung. She’s straight up jealous of his right. And he was too chicken hearted to find a sister in the first place who had enough faith to embrace his God Given Natural Right to have more than one woman… and I said embrace… not tolerate.

    • Brother, you are not familiar with the state of the women in our communities. You see the outward part of their lives. I am familiar with the sisters. A lot of women come to me from all over the world with their problems. I assure you a lot of them have major problems stemming from not getting the basics from their husbands. Even sisters in the many communities in which I have lived are facing big problems. And where is the community to help? With there head in the sand. Please brother stop thinking about your libido. Start fasting nawafil. Stop demonizing your sisters. Starting thinking about how we can help change the situation of those who are oppressed. It’s. not. about. you.

      • All councilors only see people needing council, my sister. I’ve been a religious councilor for 40 years. So I know there are sister out there with a lot of problems, and many of these problems are self inflicted. But the overwhelming majority of sisters are simply not Islamic minded enough to be grateful for a man more than adequately providing, being affectionate, practicing their religion, and be responsible employed citizens. They have everything that the contract stipulates… the overwhelming majority of our women do. But the overwhelming majority of our women are against polygyny and find every excuse to vent against it. There are millions of sisters (Muslim sisters) in America. Most of them are not needy, abused, or sexually neglected. But most of them are against polygyny.

  10. Xaliyey, some men are as you say, but no where near most. Plus I take offense at calling a man “useless” because he only makes ends meet. Consider the nature of the economy and the fact that a gigantic disproportionate percentage of Black men(Black me especially) are systematically cut out of the legitimate economy (Read The New Jim Crow by Sister Michelle Alexander). No. You are talking about the exception and not the rule. Brothers for the most part got bank. Even brothers without bank got enough to support two women and five kids, especially if they take on some of the financial responsibilities. And in hard times that’s the way it be. And these for many are hard times. As for the dead heads, they did. Brothers might not have bank, but they got plenty game. Like I said, sister have to be mature enough to pick brothers not how they talk and how they look, but by what they are saying and their overall outlook. If they don’t… well… the dominos are going to fall how they set them up.

  11. A right is a thing you are guaranteed. It is an irrevocable entitlement. A right is something that if you do not get it someone is to blame and will be punished. Does that describe polygamy?

    • Yes. And it is not just the right of the man. It’s the right of the unmarried woman. Imam Ali (A) said that a woman who hates polygyny is as if she’s become an apostate. Hating polygyny throws the entire community out of balance, and stunts the growth of The Islamic group mind set.

  12. Akhi, you are on point. However, I would like to add that most Muslim don’t really need more than one wife…let alone A wife. They can’t even take care of themselves yet, want to get married. For those revert Muslim men, it is a way for them to Islamically continue their Dunya ways of having multiple women. The irony is that as desperate as men are to having more than one wife, Allah (swt) let’s them know that if they knew one would be better. The Prophet (PBUH) was a special man and even he had to deal with the ups and downs of women. As a man who doesn’t even begin to match the Prophet’s mettle. Why try?

  13. A lot of this is true… It’s extremely difficult to make our men understand why it is we don’t want plural marriage without out them screaming jealousy! I’m secure in my position but you’re not financially stable… How hard is that to grasped!?! The more children you have to more concerned a woman is gonna be about financial security. Good grief there need to be so clear cur proofs and evidences and a few faraway complied and then distributed to both the sisters and brothers regarding WHO IS FIT FOR PLURAL MARRIAGE! Folks keep jumping in and out of this thing as if there are no consequences. I’ll keep making noise in my home until I have a deed to a house for myself and my children and that’s it. After that may Allah have mercy on a brother who takes more than one and can’t even afford his current rent. You wanna practice a sunnah!?! Try waking up for qiyyamul layl!! You wanna help a sister in need!? Send some money to the masjid Wth your wife to hand to a less fortunate sister or better yet help mentor these fatherless boys who have been the results of failed marriage/plural marriage. But nope brothers don’t want to be responsible for a sister who they can’t “benefit” from. Get your lives together!!!

  14. Above all else if you believe in Allah and His Messenger.. You follow the Quran and Sunnah to the best of your ability. Polygyny is a Muslim man’s right if he can maintain both households. It is not every Muslim woman’s obligation and Allah did not create this religion to be a hardship or an oppression.. A woman has a way out in the form of a Khula.

    Ibn `Abbas reported,
    The wife of Thabit ibn Qais came to the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be on him, and said, O Messenger of Allah! I do not find fault in Thabit ibn Qais regarding his morals or faith, but I hate disbelief in Islam. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be on him : “Wilt thou return to him his orchard?” She said, Yes. So the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be on him, said (to Thabit) : “Accept the orchard and divorce her.” {Bukhari}

    If a woman feels that being in polygyny would be detrimental to their Islam than there is an option.

    We as a whole both Muslim men and women have to be careful of hating what Allah had legislated and made halal.

    Whoever hates something that the Messenger came with, even
    though he may act on it, has disbelieved, based on Allaah’s
    saying: “That is because they disliked what Allaah sent down, so He
    nullified their (good) deeds.” [Surah Muhammad: 9] {The 10 Nullifiers of Islam by Muhammad Abdul Wahhab}

    This life is a test.. Throughout the Quran we are told so..

    Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: “We believe,” and will not be tested. (Suratul Ankabut: ayat 2)

    We as women are test and a fitnah to the men…

    Usamah bin Zaid (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “I am not leaving behind me a more harmful trial for men than women”.
    [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

    Marriage, children and even polygyny may be a test but Jannah is our goal and the only means to Jannah is pleasing Allah….

    Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband”.
    [At-Tirmidhi]

    Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported: Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “Any woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah”.
    [At-Tirmidhi].

    Pleasing our husband in Allah that Allah had legislated as correct is pleasing to Allah…

    So at the end of the day and I can only speak for myself.. If my husband wants polygyny and he is able to be just in all that is apparent.. May Allah bless him with the good of it. Ameen

    I have been in polygyny and honestly we (I am including myself) make it worst than it has to be by allowing our nafs to dictate our actions.

    May Allah rectify our affairs and grant us Jannatul Firdaws. Ameen

    (Excuse me if I ranted. Anything good and true that I have stated comes from Allah and any plain error is from myself)

  15. Asa to everyone, may this message will find each of you in the best of health and emaan, I have to admit this article was spot on in his assessment on current events, as Muslims men we are very powerless on so many issues and levels, we definitely have to get our affairs in order for our women to appreciate and respect us as leaders, however we’re very immature just on this basic alone, May Allah bless us men to get out of this state of affairs and assume the mantle of leadership that will please Him Only!!!.

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