I don’t Belong:

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Saad Najam

If earth is our home, why do I feel like I don’t belong?
Nothing ever feels right. EVERYTHING feels wrong
Why do I have this feeling of unrest?
That keeps my mind in such a chaotic mess
I walk, I talk, I eat, I play, I sleep
I work, I run, But it just cant keep
This feeling of loneliness away.
Why I ask. Why cant people in my life just stay?
I try to make friends hoping theyll make this feeling expiate
But an even bigger void is what they help create.
I don’t understand how they can call me a good friend
But after a while, they see me worthless and call it the end.
Maybe it’s my fault probably, Is the thought my mind gives
“But even though i’m a beast, don’t I have the right to live?”
Do I really belong?
Ive tried to find an answer but that was no use.
Ive played the game called life and I think i’m going to lose.
I run away from people and all of my problems
Sooner or later, i say, i’ll find a way to solve em.
And then reality hits and I look at what’s become.
And even the man in my head isnt enough to be the one.
Even Being alone isn’t where I fit.
If I’m not supposed to be here, why do i continue to exist?
I hate that I don’t belong.
I could sit here and write these sad little songs.
And sulk in my never ending misery
But that wont fix the figurative injury.
So I look for the solution
Go to educational institutions,
But They just look at me as if i’m a nuisance
maybe the answer is simply self-execution?
Maybe I should stop all this bullshit fussing
And make myself physically what I am emotionally, Nothing.
Maybe.
But Nah. Thats the easy way out. Or maybe I’m just scared about what’s to come after.
I stop thinking about the now, and start thinking about the hereafter.
And it finally hits me.
this earth isn’t my home.
This is a passing where I, for the time being roam.
So I roam to where the wind takes me
To a door that reads “Bismillah hirahman nirraheem”
All of a sudden, I feel a change.
Everything goes blank, for once I don’t feel so strange.
ALLAAAHU AKBAR ALLAAAAAAAHU AKBAR. Those words make my loneliness feeling start to disentegrate
Because Surely Allah is truly the most great
I kneel on the floor for the first time, with serenity and ease.
All I really need to do in this life is make my Lord pleased.
This whole time I was looking in the wrong places.
So I completely missed all of His benevolent graces.
He gave me feet to walk, a mouth to talk and eat.
He gave me hands to work and a bed to sleep.
Who needs people? They cant always be around
But He watches me ALL the time and keeps me safe and sound
So I pray to You to keep my heart clean
And to make it soft so that I can follow your deen.
Because This world has seemed to bring me to my knees with nothing to say
Except to call to my Lord, inshAllah to see Him day,
Because I have finally found the truth.
Thinking I could belong was a mistake
And I no longer am scared to accept my fate
I was wrong.
Because one day, to Him I’ll return, because to Him, I truly belong.
So see y’all later, i bid you all adieu
Inna lillahee wa inna elayhee raa jee uun.

Saad Najam/2014

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